I nearly choked on my morning matcha last week when my college roommate texted me: “Just turned 45. When did THAT happen?” Her message sent me spiraling into one of those existential moments we all have—staring at my reflection, wondering if I’d made the right choices. Turns out, this midlife questioning isn’t just universal—it’s backed by science.
Recent research from psychology professor Dr. Kendra Thompson’s lab at UCLA reveals fascinating patterns in what we regret most as we approach or enter midlife. Her team surveyed over 3,000 adults between 40-60 years old about their biggest life regrets. What struck me was how consistent these regrets were across different backgrounds and life circumstances.
“Most regrets aren’t about what we did,” Dr. Thompson told me when I interviewed her for this piece. “They’re about what we didn’t do—chances not taken, relationships not nurtured.“
The biggest midlife regret in 2025? Not prioritizing close relationships. A staggering 78% of participants said they wished they’d invested more time with family and friends instead of working those extra hours. This hit home for me. Last month, I skipped my niece’s dance recital to meet a deadline. The article published. The moment? Gone forever.
Financial procrastination ranked second on the regret list. Nearly 65% of respondents wished they’d started saving earlier or made smarter money moves in their twenties and thirties. Even small consistent investments could have grown substantially over decades. My friend Marco, a financial planner, says he sees this almost daily in his practice. “People come in at 50 with panic in their eyes,” he notes.
The third biggest regret might surprise you—neglecting physical health maintenance. About 61% regretted not establishing sustainable exercise routines or healthy eating habits earlier. Interestingly, this wasn’t about appearance. It centered on energy levels, mobility, and avoiding preventable health issues now emerging in midlife.
I felt a pang reading about the fourth regret: career timidity. Approximately 57% wished they’d been bolder professionally—asking for raises, changing industries, or pursuing passion projects instead of “safe” options. One participant wrote, “I stayed in accounting for 22 years. I always wanted to teach. Now I feel too old to switch.”
The fifth major regret involved not addressing mental health proactively. About 52% regretted ignoring stress, anxiety, or relationship patterns that eventually affected their wellbeing. They wished they’d sought therapy or stress management techniques decades earlier.
What fascinates me about these findings is that they’re actionable at any age. Yesterday, inspired by this research, I called my dad just to chat. We talked for an hour about nothing important—and everything meaningful. I also finally scheduled that long-overdue physical I’ve been putting off.
Dr. Thompson’s research offers a window into our future selves, giving us a chance to adjust course now. “Regret can be instructive,” she says. “It tells us what we truly value.“
So what small change might your future self thank you for starting today? After all, the best time to plant a tree was twenty years ago. The second best time is now.
